more questions and answers

[alexr_rwx]

Do you ever feel like this?

The question is:
I am hungry, but I can't find anybody to eat with me. I am alone, and people I'd like to be hanging out with are busy behind closed doors, getting sweet lovin', or out with interesting people doing fun things in the real world. I would like to be getting sweet lovin', but I don't even know how to begin meeting people, and the people it would be easy to meet, categorically, are at best uninteresting and at worst mind-numbing and inane. I feel like I don't really belong anywhere; where I once had a group of folks to be around, they've dispersed. Not only do I have no feeling of the divine (did I ever?), which is desolate and lonely in and of itself, I feel guilty and deceptive, even being in a church, and I've never really felt at home there anyway -- it's full of people I had trouble relating to; I often wonder about the sincerity (or at least the level of self-examination) of those who proclaim a faith. In my own country, I feel like an alien, and when I'm abroad, I'm a tourist. There is no particular culture to which I pertain; other geeks even make me uncomfortable.

The answer is:
Be more proactive about it. Go find people. Join a club. Do something interesting that's not sitting in your room writing whiney livejournal entries. Pay more attention to your own mind, and don't let yourself be stupid -- watch for the tendency to despair. There are people out there; either go be with them, else do more work, or maybe get more exercise. Further, "real people" actually aren't uninteresting -- just find out what it is about them that's cool.

Just bloody well do something. Deep down inside, the answer to everything is "So, what are you going to do about it?"

Comments

[scottique.livejournal.com]

I like you. You make me happy. The end. :-)

[agonistes]

A few questions you might want to consider:

Where did you get your sense of the divine from before?

When and why did you stop having a sense of the divine?

Do you really need a sense of the divine? Really? (Not 'you' as in 'all of humanity'; 'you' as in 'Alex'.)

If you do, why do you need one?

And if you do, where are some places that you can find one, or at least look for one?

It's this last question that is potentially the most interesting -- I've got a few observations, but this isn't the forum for them. We should talk. Yeah.

And like Christin, I like you, and you make me happy, and this is the end. :)

[reality-calls.livejournal.com]

Wow.

I know exactly what you mean.  I used to feel that way all the time since I moved out here.  I think it is the result of being left to one's own devices, i.e. loneliness.(well, that's rather obvious I suppose...)  I've actually spent a good bit of time pondering it, and from a philosophical perspective, I can't necessarily say that it's entirely a bad feeling.

I worry about this whole "need to belong" feeling.  It doesn't sit well with me.  I've been tempted to and seen others respond to this feeling with abandon, associating with anyone and substantially changing their own personalities to fit in.  The result usually involves a large amount of "groupthink," which is completely revolting to me.  I'm at the #1 party school in the nation, here, and I've seen some fairly horrific things result from the "gotta belong" mentality.

It's also somewhat ridiculous, in a sense.  Everyone is an individual; nobody really "belongs" to any one group. So why is it that the human psyche has such difficulty dealing with this fact?  Why is the whole idea of becoming a faceless member of the collective so seductive?  Philosophically I can't help but see it as a human flaw, yet there is definitely a need there in the human psyche...

Try though I might to analyze the situation scientifically, it doesn't seem to get rid of the feeling, and this deeply disturbs me.(on a somewhat detached, rational level, that is)  My scientific perspective may seem bleak, but I've seen the results of willful ignorance for personal happiness, and it's disturbing.

Also, there's the fact that my scientific perspective only *seems* bleak; it really isn't bleak so much as indeterminate.  For instance, just because there's no solid evidence for the existence of God doesn't mean God doesn't exist, or that He can't exist, just that there's no way of knowing right now.  Here's another fact that I find it difficult to come to terms with, despite the rationale.  Why is the truth of the human situation so difficult to grasp?  Why would we rather live in ignorance of our own ignorance than admit that there are a few things we just don't know?

The realization that my situation isn't really as bad as it feels has helped me manage it without doing anything stupid.  I still go to social events and such, but not to belong so much as to just be myself in public without getting nervous.  I've found a certain level of egotism helps, but only as long as it's fairly small and serves merely to stave off the feeling of wanting to act like everyone else.  Also, plenty of sleep takes a lot of the stress off of life for me.  Aside from that, I haven't made too much progress determining just how to get around these feelings, but I'm working on it.  Who knows?  Maybe some day I'll come across the perfect group for me, but until then I'll be myself and see who accepts me.  The ones who do that are my real friends, after all...

Hmm...  This was more of a post than a reply...  I started it with the intent of offering some consolation, but it developed into one of those annoying introspective dissertations on my life.  Oh, well...

      "Live from the People's Republic"