while the iron is hot

This is probably a pretty good time to become a full-time FGC esports athlete, what with "all tournaments either cancelled or online" and "I’m middling at best while closing in on 40", huh?

BIG NEWTONS

The packages that Fig Newtons and their more socially-conscious counterparts, Fig Newmans, come in, are way too small. As a family of three newton enthusiasts, we blow through a package really fast, like a day or two.

UNEXPLORED BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY: what if they came in packages of like 3x as many newtons?

Lindsey suggests they should be called "Big Newtons". I think it's a winner but we'll have to run it by some focus groups.