(no subject)

[alexr_rwx]

I haven't been super emotionally healthy, recently, but I'm working on it.

I had a pretty bad bout of feeling *awful* last week, especially while Lindsey was out of town. Everything felt hopeless, I felt like I couldn't get anything done that I cared about. I felt dumb and annoying, and I was furious that anybody was anywhere near me, or saying words, or making other sounds. Something like misophonia, to the extent that that's a thing. And I was embarrassed about like my entire existence.

:-(

Part of it was that I was really frustrated about work, felt like I wasn't making any progress or learning things fast enough, frustrated about my PhD, frustrated about not running much recently (my connective tissue's been acting up a bit recently, so I haven't been running)...

I need to take better care of myself. These are all fixable things; I could stretch better and do more strength training. I need to spend more time on my PhD so it doesn't seem so intractable and eventually gets done. I could find somewhere more quiet to work in the office. You only get one you.

Comments

[mindstalk.livejournal.com]

My sympathies.

I've been running a bit more recently. I think my stamina's gone up (still really shitty) but my knees are more the limiting factor. "Ow ow stop doing that".

Sounds: earplugs? Hardware earmuffs? Music, or do you hate even your own chosen sounds now?

It's sort of amusing to note how I respond to sounds. My own loud fan or air conditioner, fine! Someone else's little whine or buzz: DIE DIE DIE.

[oniugnip.livejournal.com]

Yeeaaahhhh. The worse I'm feeling, the more I want to end the world when people are doing totally sensible things like having a work-related conversation near my desk or driving a car on a street.

I think feeling better broadly will make my existing headphones work out alright. There are still secluded office corners; I should just work from them more often.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_tove/]

That sounds super rough! I'm glad you have some ideas about paths forward and I wish you efficacy in pursuing them.

Also, I am glad about your existence.

[oniugnip.livejournal.com]

*hugs!*

Thank you. Likewise, I'm glad about yours -- you're pretty rad, Lea!