(no subject)
Jul. 9th, 2016 12:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexr_rwxMaaaan. Everything seems dumb and hopeless recently.
I need to get some *wins* somewhere. I need to take better care of myself. I feel lonely a lot, and like I'm not making progress on anything useful.
It's not totally obvious what I've got to *contribute*, either.
...
I did have a really nice visit with my dad recently, over the 4th weekend. We cycled from the house to Google and looked around and ate lunch. We visited with his siblings, who were visiting to see our relatives who live up in wine country. (their uncle and aunt; he's my grandmother's little brother) ... it was nice to see the family.
...
I need to feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm kind of spinning my wheels, and I get freaked out about living and working here, often.
The Bay Area makes me freak the hell out. I feel terrible about it, but I often can't make myself go up to the city. SF is really stressful, getting to SF is really stressful, *being* in SF is really stressful, being invited to things and then laming out is really stressful. It's dumb as hell and I hate this about myself. I should just person up and fuckin' go to the city. (nb: I am more than happy to go to the city if it's to see your artistic performance or whatever, or for your party, if you're important to me.)
... I wish I didn't have to live here. The whole situation seems immoral; there's no water here, there are eight zillion people who want to live here, traffic is ludicrous, the public transit is mediocre. At least in the South Bay it's not like I took somebody's rent-controlled apartment, and I can usually ride my bike to get around.
Also Martin has, just today, gotten on a plane to Spain. Lauryn will leave soon too :-\
... I miss everybody.
... I started reading SuperBetter recently; I should get back into that. I think it was pretty helpful.
I need to get some *wins* somewhere. I need to take better care of myself. I feel lonely a lot, and like I'm not making progress on anything useful.
It's not totally obvious what I've got to *contribute*, either.
...
I did have a really nice visit with my dad recently, over the 4th weekend. We cycled from the house to Google and looked around and ate lunch. We visited with his siblings, who were visiting to see our relatives who live up in wine country. (their uncle and aunt; he's my grandmother's little brother) ... it was nice to see the family.
...
I need to feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm kind of spinning my wheels, and I get freaked out about living and working here, often.
The Bay Area makes me freak the hell out. I feel terrible about it, but I often can't make myself go up to the city. SF is really stressful, getting to SF is really stressful, *being* in SF is really stressful, being invited to things and then laming out is really stressful. It's dumb as hell and I hate this about myself. I should just person up and fuckin' go to the city. (nb: I am more than happy to go to the city if it's to see your artistic performance or whatever, or for your party, if you're important to me.)
... I wish I didn't have to live here. The whole situation seems immoral; there's no water here, there are eight zillion people who want to live here, traffic is ludicrous, the public transit is mediocre. At least in the South Bay it's not like I took somebody's rent-controlled apartment, and I can usually ride my bike to get around.
Also Martin has, just today, gotten on a plane to Spain. Lauryn will leave soon too :-\
... I miss everybody.
... I started reading SuperBetter recently; I should get back into that. I think it was pretty helpful.
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no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 01:26 am (UTC)I really hate the inverted work-in-suburbs thing that tech companies do. My wife & I managed to find a gorgeous tinylittle island of safety and sanity in Sunnyvale, but everywhere around it is terrible. From my brief ventures, I refuse to go anywhere south of El Camino Real; it's just terribly terribly bad there. We also looked at a wonderful place in SF, but the commute is awful (again, both morally and (to a much lesser degree than suburbia) cPTSD-ly).
no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 01:36 am (UTC)Let's party South Bay-style! *hugs!*
no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 02:12 am (UTC)But I'll show you around :) We're getting the keys on the 21st; Googs start date is the 25th.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 03:48 am (UTC)See you when you get here!
no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 01:37 am (UTC)What do you mean by safe? Like, safe from crime? I didn't think most of the Peninsula was bad, except for traffic.
But yeah, when I moved to the Bay Area, I insisted on an SF job. Not knowing how to drive kind of enforced that. I'd still really want an SF, Oakland or Berkeley BA job now.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-10 02:44 am (UTC)I mean safe like feeling safe in your skin and surroundings, that feeling non-traumatized people take for granted. It's not about actual physical safety, it's about psychological safety. I've lived in DC and Baltimore, so I'm pretty pragmatic about crime; that part's easy. Besides, crime usually isn't much of a problem in suburbia (at least, not the sorts of crime that would put one at risk of harm).
Ooh, I should've insisted on the SF site. The team I'm on is split between MV and SF. I do know how to drive, but I dislike it and my license's expired, so I prolly could've just said I don't