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Weird past few days...
Feb. 22nd, 2003 10:38 amI'm realy not quite sure what I'm doing, or what's going on... it feels like I slept for a whole day, which I suppose I almost did. Maybe I'm sick... I think I'd been feeling kinda depressed, at least to some extent. I feel like I've just lost track of what's going on, or why it is I do things, or why anything happens, or where my motivations for things went.
Will and myself nearly got the whole R! thing going, but it got to be progressively less cohesive as time went on. We worked all night from Thursday to Friday on it, and after an early breakfast break Friday morning, we kept on hacking away at it until it was due at noon. By that point, we were rather frustrated... eh. Bad design. We didn't really lay things out as well as we could have (not from an interface perspective, but from a software putting-together perspective) and that last 12-hour session was more of a "well, we'll both make our parts work real fast, then we'll glue it all together" ... we should've laid things out better in the beginning and stayed more in contact. I guess that's what we can take away from this.
So we worked through my office hours, and I had to ask a few students to come back after noon, when the thing was due. That was kind of depressing... after a certain number of hours of being up, it's hard to look at somebody else's C code, especially when they don't want to take "I was just up all night and don't want to debug your code for you right now because that's probably your job anyway" for an answer and think a valid response to "but if you want I'll answer more general, theory-type questions" is something like "well, see, it works on the first iteration of the loop -- why won't this line here work?"
Eh. After that, I joined forces with Marty for this week's project and went home and slept... apparently for a rather long time. I was up occasionally, like to take a phone call and read the rest of a Sandman comic (Neil Gaiman r4wks :) )... but I missed Esther, who was trying to get in contact with me before she left for the weekend, for the less-than-valid reason of being asleep.
I need to get some energy. I should figure out what's going on in my head, or if I'm just sick, or if I can get some motivation for something again, or... hrm. I'll call my mother. I'll eat something -- haven't had much since breakfast yesterday. I haven't been right with myself or with people or with God for a while, and I keep on saying this... it's just a matter of figuring out what it is.
One thing, though... I'd said at one point that in the care and feeding of Alex, one has to take him for a run every so often, or else he gets discombobulated, antsy, and depressed... I'd better do that this afternoon, and I'm going to have to figure out how to make this happen in general. That's a good feeling that I've been missing for rather a while...
Maybe the entire meaning of life is wrapped up in words like "discombobulated" -- they feel like what they mean, and they're fun to say, and ... hrm, apparently m-w.com thinks it's a variation on "discompose". Interesting.
Will and myself nearly got the whole R! thing going, but it got to be progressively less cohesive as time went on. We worked all night from Thursday to Friday on it, and after an early breakfast break Friday morning, we kept on hacking away at it until it was due at noon. By that point, we were rather frustrated... eh. Bad design. We didn't really lay things out as well as we could have (not from an interface perspective, but from a software putting-together perspective) and that last 12-hour session was more of a "well, we'll both make our parts work real fast, then we'll glue it all together" ... we should've laid things out better in the beginning and stayed more in contact. I guess that's what we can take away from this.
So we worked through my office hours, and I had to ask a few students to come back after noon, when the thing was due. That was kind of depressing... after a certain number of hours of being up, it's hard to look at somebody else's C code, especially when they don't want to take "I was just up all night and don't want to debug your code for you right now because that's probably your job anyway" for an answer and think a valid response to "but if you want I'll answer more general, theory-type questions" is something like "well, see, it works on the first iteration of the loop -- why won't this line here work?"
Eh. After that, I joined forces with Marty for this week's project and went home and slept... apparently for a rather long time. I was up occasionally, like to take a phone call and read the rest of a Sandman comic (Neil Gaiman r4wks :) )... but I missed Esther, who was trying to get in contact with me before she left for the weekend, for the less-than-valid reason of being asleep.
I need to get some energy. I should figure out what's going on in my head, or if I'm just sick, or if I can get some motivation for something again, or... hrm. I'll call my mother. I'll eat something -- haven't had much since breakfast yesterday. I haven't been right with myself or with people or with God for a while, and I keep on saying this... it's just a matter of figuring out what it is.
One thing, though... I'd said at one point that in the care and feeding of Alex, one has to take him for a run every so often, or else he gets discombobulated, antsy, and depressed... I'd better do that this afternoon, and I'm going to have to figure out how to make this happen in general. That's a good feeling that I've been missing for rather a while...
Maybe the entire meaning of life is wrapped up in words like "discombobulated" -- they feel like what they mean, and they're fun to say, and ... hrm, apparently m-w.com thinks it's a variation on "discompose". Interesting.
